I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Bring me that man meat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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