So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
