girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
