She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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