Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
