No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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