Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
