I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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