I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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