I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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