the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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