I puked a lego.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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