Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
