I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
