filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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