If i come over, it means nothing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
