oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
