He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
