Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's blow job season.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
