dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
