Do you still have your period?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
