I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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