SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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