so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
