Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
