just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
