I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm passing your future prison.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
