Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
