if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
