a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
