Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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