I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
