And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
