turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
