So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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