Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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