I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
