You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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