i think my tv is drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
