I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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