areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
