Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
