i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Randomize