So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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