Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
