I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
