Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
