We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
