Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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