when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
