# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
