operation harelip BJ is a go
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
