I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
