Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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