Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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