Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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