My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
