She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
