i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
