just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
