we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
