He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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