All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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