I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
