So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
