Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you traded sex for a burrito?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i came on her dog
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
