The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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