counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
