I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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