girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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