The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
