When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was born a porn star she said
he puts the penis in happiness.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize