Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
