Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
