a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
