I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
