you guys were way drunker than both of me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
