I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize