Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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