Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
soo... how was my night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
