why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
