Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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