The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
