Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
