The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
