it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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