did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
