She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
