He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
