Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i love accidental penises.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
