I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I forget how to act sober
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