Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
