dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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