Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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